Behind

April 21st, 2009

I have fallen behind in blogging and blog-reading, and I thought to myself, Self, why not fall even farther behind and take a little break this week?

And I was all like, That is SUCH a good idea!

So, I am going to be scarce this week-ish (don’t you love all the ambiguity?) and I’ll return next week.

OK? OK.

By the way, I’m learning that many of you are having trouble reading through the background on the web page. I am trying to get it fixed. Please be patient. And if you can’t be patient, please be nice.

My Little Brother is Awesomer Than Your Little Brother

April 16th, 2009

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What are you doing Saturday, April 25th, Salt Lake friends?

My little brother and his cover band Mimic will be playing at the pre-game festivites outside of Rio Tinto stadium on Saturday, April 25th. They will start around 5:00 and play until about 6:40. It’s free!

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After the concert and festivities, you can go to the ReAl Salt Lake soccer game and join my brother(s) and other people who dress their innocent children in MLS gear.

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Check out Mimic’s cool and funny site here. My brother Jesse is the adorable lead singer and guitarist. (If you can’t make it to the concert, you should book them for your next party or event.)

Death and Taxes–Sometimes Hard to Tell the Difference

April 15th, 2009

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These are our taxes. Do you like the return address?

I filled nine (NINE!) envelopes today, seven (SEVEN!) of them with payments enclosed. And we still owe. Our accountant claims that he has never seen anyone nailed harder than us, and he is not a young man. We are destined to be the sad over-told story at all of his future dinner parties.

If there is a tax out there, we pay it.

Tax on breathing air? Check.
Tax on using toilet paper? Check.
Tax on wondering when Project Runway will return? Check.
Tax on reading magazines from back-to-front instead of front-to-back? Check.
Tax on sleeping on your side? Check.
Tax on looking out the window? Check.
Tax on toenail fungus? Check.
Tax on yelling at your kids to flush? Check.

What do we do for a hobby? We pay taxes.

Anniversh

April 15th, 2009

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We took a little drive into Philly on Saturday night to celebrate our anniversary at Alma de Cuba, a Cuban restaurant founded by Book of Mormon prophet Alma de Younger.

The food was delicious. The atmosphere was great. We gazed lovingly at each other throughout dinner and spoke to each other only in haiku.

May I have a taste?
Yours looks better than mine does.
Must be fattening.

Where is the bathroom?
I have to go pee so bad.
Don’t eat my dinner.

Camera again?
Do we have to do this now?
I hate these pictures.

Anniversary

For dessert, we shared the house specialty—a chocolate cigar. It was delicious, even though it looks suspiciously like a big turd.

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After dinner we found a meadow and danced in the moonlight.

Actually, we went to Home Depot and bought a hand truck, which is pretty much the same thing.

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Dog-Sitting Log: Day 7

April 10th, 2009

Positive steps were made yesterday between resident dog and visiting dog. Resident dog was seen in the same room as visiting dog three times throughout the day and accompanied visiting dog outdoors on six out of seven potty breaks. Resident dog’s carpet-wetting has also ceased.

However, a disturbing discovery was made this morning—graffiti on the bathroom wall. It said, “[Visiting dog,] YOR TIIM IZ RUNEENG OWT. GO HOM OR FAYS MY RATH!”

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Visiting dog seems unfazed.

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When questioned about the incident, resident dog avoided eye contact…

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…and fled the scene.

Happy Weekend

April 10th, 2009

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Happy Anniversary to me and Ryan tomorrow.

And Happy Easter and/or late Passover to all of you!

Dog-Sitting Log: Day 5

April 8th, 2009

Visiting dog is content, although seems to have a look of pining for home at times. Has found an exercise ball to hump instead of the children’s legs.

Had to explain what humping means to older child. Older child went white, then green, and then complained that his leg felt funny.

Resident dog has spent more time downstairs, though still refuses to interact with visiting dog. At one point, resident dog was seen sniffing the hind quarters of visiting dog. When visiting dog turned around, resident dog quickly trotted away and whistled nervously.

The Smell of Success

April 8th, 2009

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There is a business plan that simply can’t fail, even in this economy.

All you need:

A couple of kids (the cuter, the better)
A small table and chairs
A sunny weekend day
A pitcher of lemonade
A batch of cookies
A couple of hand-made signs
A few hours on a semi-busy street.

The afternoon’s earnings totaled nearly $40. First, they paid their friends an hourly wage and then I took 35% away and taught them about taxes.

Still, though, pretty good.

I Miss My Mom Today, So I’m Making Bread Pudding

April 7th, 2009

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I miss my mom today, so I’m making bread pudding
Her bread pudding.
Even though bread pudding is bad for my hips.
It is good for my soul.
I call her on the phone to ask if I should double the recipe.
We talk while she holds my sweet niece.
I hold the phone in one hand, the measuring cup in the other.
I tell her I am using the wrong bread,
But that I think it will work.
It will be great, she tells me.
I ask her what she is doing for Easter.
No plans, she says, and you?
No plans, I say, other than a defrosting turkey in the fridge.
She says maybe she and Dad will come for dinner
And we both chuckle.
I like that joke;
It makes me feel good for a moment.
How is Dad? I ask.
He is stressed, she says.
Right before I douse the bread,
I realize that I forgot the vanilla.
I’ve done that before, she says.
I add the vanilla in the nick of time.
We hang up as I put the dish into the oven.
Goodbye, I love you.
Love you too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My Mom’s Famous Bread Pudding

Preheat oven to 350 degrees Place pan of water in preheating oven.

2 c. day old bread torn bread ‘cubes’ (the bread makes the pudding—use a heavy, dense artesian bread.)
1/4 c. good quality honey (avoid dark, strong flavored honey)
2 T. butter
1/8 t. salt
2 eggs, beaten
1/2 t. vanilla (up this a little if you use real vanilla)
1 2/3 c. hot milk (not boiling)
1/2 c. raisins or Craisins (optional)

Place bread and raisins in small baking dish.

In microwave, heat milk, butter, honey and salt. Stir during process to dissolve honey. It doesn’t need to approach boiling, just needs to be good and warm.

Slowly pour hot milk into beaten eggs, stirring constantly.

Add vanilla.

Pour mixture over bread; sprinkle all over with nutmeg.

Bake in pan of hot water until set, about 30-40 minutes.

Dog-Sitting Log: Day 4

April 6th, 2009

Visiting dog is very tame, afraid to climb the stairs, perpetually hungry, and anxious to befriend humans and canine alike in the house. Has humped two unsuspecting legs, snores in her sleep, and prefers to poop in the front yard rather than the back. Bears an uncanny resemblance to Ryan’s dearly departed grandmother.

Resident dog is suspicious, paranoid and ignores visiting dog’s attempts to interact by avoiding eye contact and pretending that the visiting dog does not exist. Has spent most of the last four days upstairs or on the couches where the visiting dog is not allowed. Shows disdain for her owners and their inconsideration by peeing on the carpet. Spends the night plotting evil revenge on the humans and visiting dog.