*Greetings from Spring Break Central. Ryan just interrupted the silence in the office (where we are both stationed at our computers) to inform me that spring breaks are supposed to be wild and fun. I let out a rip-roaring “Wahooooooeeeeeee!” and asked him if he’d like to go get a tattoo that he’d later regret. He declined.
*The other day Max and I were meandering around in the front yard, waiting for the school bus, when we noticed a dead fish lying on the grass. It was such an absurd site. I think it was a sun fish, about six inches long. I was baffled. How did it get here? I guess because of its proximity to the mailbox, Max was absolutely sure that the mailman had brought it. I left the fish there and the next day it was gone. Is this, perhaps, a message from the mob? It seems like it could be a message from the mob. Even though I got out of the mob years ago and started living legit.
*During our yard work on Tuesday, Ryan trimmed some of the low-hanging branches of our big birch tree. As he sawed each branch off, the wounds left behind on the tree began to leak water like a fast-dripping faucet. For hours and hours, the tree dripped fresh water. And when I looked out the window the next morning, I could still see a slow pitter-patter as water hit the soil below. I wondered if the tree was crying.
*Tomorrow night I am committed to work in the snack shack at Christian’s first baseball game of the season. I have never worked in a snack shack before. I hope I do a good job. And unless anybody tells me otherwise, I’m going to be very generous with the nacho cheese sauce.
*This week Ryan and I watched the two newest James Bond movies. These are the first James Bond movies either of us have ever seen. Overall I’d give them a thumbs up, but I am convinced that Jason Bourne could definitely kick James Bond’s Aston Martin, although James Bond would earn bonus points for looking so dapper.
*Tonight our neighbor is bringing over her dog for us to dog sit for the next ten days. I have never dogsat before. I’m not licensed in dogsitting. I’m not sure I’m ready to handle snack shack duty and dogsitting all in one week. Pray for me, please.
*Yesterday I posted a video for my mom’s birthday, but YouTube deleted my audio, so I took the post down. Yes, I was lip-synching to a copyrighted recording of Les Miserables, but it was a really good lip synch which means that some YouTube employee somewhere deleted my audio without knowing for absolutely sure whether it was me singing or not. What happened to “innocent until proven guilty,” YouTube?
*My neck has been itching for days. Does an itchy neck mean the mob is thinking about you? Or is that the IRS?
sometimes random is my favorite. Especially when it involves a mystery dead fish on the lawn. That is almost as good as my unsolved inexplicably blue hair mystery.
And please try to refrain from making any more of your trees cry. Earth Day is coming soon and I don’t want to turn you in to the local hippies (are there hippies where you live?).
Finally, I haven’t seen either of those James Bond movies but I love Jason Bourne so he gets my uninformed vote.
I’m sorry. I think the mob may have confused you with me (we do look a lot alike). I think it’s retribution for the fish that I abandoned at the pet store years ago. They must have caught my face on their surveillance cameras afterall. Dang. How was I to know that the pet store was related to the mob?
Does anyone know Jason Bourne’s number? I think I may need his assistance on this one.
That’s really weird about your video. Lucky for me, I was able to watch it before it was rudely removed. You are truly talented.
P.S. I did the same thing with Phantom of the Opera as a kid. Every Sunday I sat in front of the stereo with the words to all the songs and sang to my heart’s content.
i just ate a burrito. in your honor.
You never get out of the mob, you know.
I never knew you were a lip syncer! I would have “come out of the closet” on that a long time ago had I known! Think of all the performances we could have done at the family parties!
Goodluck with your snack shacking and your dog sitting. What a good neighbor you are. If you find out where the dead fish came from, you’ll have to let us all know!!!
did the fish appear before or after the tree trimming “incident”?
I would love to pump Nacho Cheese at a Snack Shack. I wish it was Spring like here to do that. Have fun!
i’ve heard somewhere that generosity with nacho sauce is a sign of a truly good person. as a matter of fact, it’s pretty much the key to getting into heaven.
true story.
if you are going to work at the ball field snack shack, be sure to wear your skank top, daisy dukes, and obligitory lower back tat.
i heart tiffany!
Your nacho cheese comment had me rolling. Also, you are a saint to dogsit for 10 days. I wouldn’t watch someone’s goldfish for 10 days, let alone a canine. I’m going to submit your name for beattification right away.
I hope you are planning to wear a ball cap sideways and chew gum whilst pumping the cheese sauce.
hope you solve your fish mystery.
I would like to extend a most sincere invitation to you to be my bestest friend. For reals. You make me laugh. A lot.
I loved this post. I wonder if Max will dream about the mailman delivering fish to every mailbox in the neighborhood.
I’d like to suggest another interactive post titled, The Most Under-used Item(s) I Own. I’ll start it off with: back pockets on my jeans. Just a thought.
Matt and I had the same discussion about Bourne vs. Bond. We both came up with that it would be a good fight, but like any true red-blooded American would think, Bourne would eventually knock the snot out of Bond. Hey, and be careful dog sitting, it’s hazardous to the health of your feet.
I would be ticked about it the video thing too.
I have connections. I know people that could make YouTube disappear. You say the word.
Oh my lord you crack me up! I loved this entry! YouTube definately discovered your amazing talent and took your video down. They were probably afraid that your upcoming album would over-shadow the true artists work.
Ha!
Thanks for making my day (: