I’m about to state the obvious here: bloggers love comments. They really love them. They all-caps LOVE them. They mixed-capitalization lOvE them. They bold and italic font treatment love them. They excessive exclamation point love them!!! They Joanie-loves-Chachi love them. It’s the real deal, folks. TLA 4EVER.
If a blog is a car, the comments are the gasoline. Or the fan belt. Or is it the torque converter? I’m not sure, but it’s one of those really important parts of the car that causes it to chug and die if it is missing. At least that’s what bloggers think. In actuality, if a blog is a car, the comments are the fuzzy dice hanging over the mirror, the cool bumper stickers on the fender, and those adorable stick-figures of the entire family on the rear window—comments are super awesome accessories. But bloggers (forgive me for speaking in generalizations here) don’t get that; they crave comments like a drug.
You see, we are a fickle and slightly narcissistic bunch and each new comment seems to scream to us, “YOUR EXISTENCE IS VALIDATED!” It doesn’t even matter if it’s a complete stranger who leaves a comment; in fact, that makes it even a little more special that way. Why do we want our existence validated by complete strangers, you ask? Well, because most of us pay our close friends and family a small monthly fee for their comments. Or maybe that’s just me.
And there’s nothing that torments a blogger more than knowing that there is a discrepancy between the number of people who read or subscribe to the blog and the number of comments they receive for each post. It’s a very disconcerting mystery that could not even be solved by the original cast of CSI. Want to drive a blogger nuts? Pull up their site six thousand times in one day and never leave a comment. Within 24 hours, you’ll be able to smell the steaming bafflement.
Anyway, having been at the blogging thing for few years, I’ve come to understand a few things about blogging and about myself that I completely misunderstood before. And if I can share something here that I have learned that will help even one blogger and one reader understand the other a little better, then I will have accomplished all that I set out to do and I can add a shiny gold sticker to my chart.
About a year ago, I put myself through Blogger Rehab (you can read about it here) and then put myself on a strict Blog Diet. Taking several steps back from the blogosphere, I began to see it in a different light. Some might say I began to see it in a healthier, more balanced light. Those would be people from the mental health profession, probably.
I can truly say that now, while I still love and adore any comments I receive, I do not depend on them. To me, my blog is a place where I can practice my writing, record my life and thoughts, and share my experiences with now-distant friends and family. Over time, it has also become a place for me to meet new people and develop new friendships—a total bonus. It is an important part of my life, without a doubt, but it is only one important part among many others. And while I am thrilled when I get a nice comment from somebody new, I don’t crush it up and inject it into my arm.
To give you an illustration of this, I used to rush in the door after running an errand and immediately check my email for any new comments. Now when I return home from somewhere, I set my purse down and go to the bathroom before checking my email. That’s progress, I tell you.
See how balanced and mature I am now? (Hah!)
Before I ramble on any further, I’d like to stand on my soap box and share a few thoughts with the bloggers and readers of the world.
To the bloggers:
1. I validate you. You are funny, smart, creative, talented and insightful. You really are.
2. Remember how in school there were some kids who didn’t enjoy raising their hand to answer a question or participate in class? The ones who preferred to sit quietly and listen without a lot of interaction? Those people like to read blogs in the same manner. They like your blog; they read your blog (maybe even every day); but they don’t necessarily want to raise their hand and make a comment. Or maybe they are just terribly busy and taking time to write a comment would take away from the enjoyment they find in simply reading. What I’m trying to say is that your readers are good people. Don’t try to interpret their silence.
3. Ask yourself if comments are your gasoline or your fuzzy dice. Be your own gasoline.
4. I thought I should have something else to say here to make my list nice and well-rounded, but I’m sort of out of ideas. Hmm, this is awkward. {Thumbs twiddling. Nervous whistle.}
To the readers:
1. It’s perfectly okay if you don’t want to comment. Ever. I validate you.
2. That said, your comments are so appreciated if you should choose to leave one.
3. If you want to comment, please don’t ever be under the impression that your comment must be clever or funny. Nothing could be farther from the truth. It is perfectly acceptable to write, “I liked this post.” or “I agree.” or “Hah!” I have left all of those comments before. A comment is a comment is a comment. Confucius said that, I think.
4. If you have a negative comment to make, please think twice about it. If you think twice and you still want to share it, be confident enough in your point of view to use your name. Negative anonymous comments hold no water. Confucius said that too.
5. Keep this in mind—many friendships begin with a single comment. (Don’t give credit to Confucius on that one, I said it.) It’s true.
OK, I am done. The soap box is starting to creak and buckle under my weight, and besides that, the cops are walking this way and I don’t have a permit to be here. Thank you for your time. Go write blogs. Go read blogs. Love each other. Eat more burritos.
I agree with this
I love reading your blog. I think you are funny and witty and wise.
I needed this post today. Thank you.
yeahhhhhh!
sometimes you make me want to cheer. well said. i’m going to link you from my blog tomorrow (which, in my world, is the equivalent of a comment and a half.)
when i first starting reading blogs, i felt shy to comment. then i felt like i had to say something witty or insightful instead of a HELL YEAH! .. now, you can barely get me to shut up in them. i’m one of the longest commenters i know, even with the bloggers that dont do the reciprocal comment thing.
it used to make me feel like i was being a bit creepy, what with being an absolute stranger and yet knowing a TON of stuff about someone.. but i’m over it.
thank you for always commenting on my blog – it makes me feel a lot less stalkeresque for the blog-mauling that i do over here.
I agree totally. But, I haven’t got past the part of my comments being my gasoline! Maybe someday, I will be a great writer and come up with witty posts so that people HAVE to leave a comment.
ut, I’m not counting on it!
Especially if I continue to read any Crowley blogs..I am toast. You and Leslie keep me in stitches! Keep it coming!
It’s so true..you keep checking your blog to see if they number of comments have increased. It’s certainly an obsession. I’m seeking therapy for it.
i starred this post on my google reader. it is oh so true, am glad you wrote it out so perfectly. am happy to have found your blog!
I like your blog. I’ve told you that before. (In a comment when I outed myself.) I just feel like a creepy stalker because we’ve never met and I don’t even know how I found your blog. I’m really not a creepy stalker though. I’m glad you don’t need my validation – because I don’t leave comments. I really get a kick out of your posts. All of them.
amen, girl! i just don’t have time for blogging to be my world. i do it when i can. i comment if something tickles my fancy. still love YOU and your blog, of course!!
Good. and true. and insightful. and needed. thank you.
p.s. If you are ever comment starved, have a baby and post “first baby pictures from the hospital.” People come out of the woodwork.
i felt awkward reading this without leaving some sort of comment…even if you validated us non-commenters.
mmm burritos!
I am one of the “me not raise hand kind of people”. Sorry. I do enjoy reading your blog and I will try to comment more in the future.
Ditto on the burritos!!
I was going to NOT comment, just to test your “comments are not my gasoline” theory, but so many others already ruined the test, that I guess I should just say Very good advice. I think I’ll try putting my purse down, and going to the bathroom before checking my blog — at least once.
Very well said! I loved the analogies and all… This post should be mandatory for all new bloggers to read!
What do you think of this- do you feel obligated to leave comments if someone leaves a comment on your blog? I think it’s blog etiquette- if you get a comment, you should leave one…
Anyhow- fantastic post!
I LOVE, LOVE, LOVEEEEE THIS POST (!!!!!!!!!!!)
I totally agree with you! And I read A LOT of blogs. And there are blogs I comment on out of obligation, but many of them, I really enjoy. I just like to comment!
Uh huh.
I really like your blog. I don’t comment very often, (although the choose-your-own-adventure posts bewitched me into commenting several times!) but I want you to know that I check your blog nearly every day. You write in such a comfortable, friendly voice… it’s as if we are sitting across the table having coffee together and you’re regaling me with funny/poignant stories of your life when I read your posts. And yet- I live in Denver, and we’ve never met!
So a big thumbs up from me… even if I don’t comment again for a long time, lol.
You are my inspiration! You know I check every post and I love every post also. When I first started blogging I read your Rehab post and made a vow then and there not to comment on every blog every time. THANK YOU for that out because I think I would need my own rehab without it!
I love your blog! I have to admit I was jealous at first because I have to force Kathy to look at my blog but she reads yours of her own free will and tells me how great it is. But I’m over it now and I love your blog too.
Well said my friend! I wouldn’t expect anything less from you however. Thank you for putting into words what every blogger/reader feels. I love this post! And I LOVE your blog. I crush it up daily and inject it into my veins!
a comment is a comment is a comment.
You have a way with words, my friend.
Who is this Confucius character and what is his blog URL?
This made me laugh…it is so true. I love to recieve comments. It does make you feel as though your existance is validated in some sick, twisted way! By the way, I will keep eating burritos. We have made those at least once a week since you shared your recipe and they quickly became a family favorite…which is a huge compliment, because my boys complain about everything I make for dinner.
“Hah!”
Hah!
(You made me laugh again.)
Fabulous! (Heavy Applause) I can see that so many people feel the same way reading through all of your comments! LOVED IT!
You’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and doggone, people like you.
Now repeat after me…
I LOVE this blog, i am very new to your blog about a month or so but i follow it and read it most everyday and i love everything you right about
now it’s your turn to comment on my blog PLLLLLEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAASSSSSSEEEEE 
LOL!!!
Ximena
Mission Hills, Ca
And be excellent to each other. [Confucius or Bill and Ted -- can't remember which.]
I soooooo have the comment problem. I go a week at a time with no comments, and it makes me sad. But I decided that I was mainly writing for my own amusement, so comments are the fuzzy dice on my blogging jalopy.
I love to read your blog and often feel bad about not leaving a comment. Thank you for your blessing of reading and not commenting. Your posts put a smile on my face, for that I thank you!
Thanks for the validation! Will it work at the Gateway Parking Lot??? Lol! I know which kind of validation you really mean, and today is one of those days a little validation goes a loooooooooooooong way! Thank you much!
I agree with this blog and you. I write about once a year and feel rejected if I don’t get a comment. I guess I expect people to look every day just in case that I might have written something. Love you and enjoy your blogs. Dad
I am addicted to your blog!!!
Judging from all the comments you have recieved, you now have enough gas to toot all the way down your hall! Thanks for your blog, I love it too.
I like your blog. I’m always impressed with your wit – here and when I’ve seen you leave comments on other blogs. Thanks for being a blogger!
Tiff, Tiff, Tiff…
I love your blog and agree with everything you just said. Confucius said that too.
I love your blog and agree with everything you just said. Confucius said that too.
I’ve never commented before, I’m one of the never participating in class people I’m afraid. I’m not very sure how I came across your blog but its very interesting! Sorry for never commenting. You and your family all seem like amazing people
I liked this post. I love you tiffy wiffy, and I will try to comment more but we know I have said this many times in the past so let’s just hope for the best and agree that you know that I love you and miss you tons and think you are fabulous!!
right on, as usual.
entertaining to read, as usual.
blog on!
i agree! found you via wunderbug’s blog.
That really is the best. How clever and are HONEST are you!? I saw your post from Kami’s (no biggie) and LOVED IT! May have to check out your blog more often. And comment once in awhile.
Yeah, I’m one of those people. But I love your blog.
Ho-Lee merde, you got 44 comments! Wish me and my blog were that cool. I read and enjoy each post, Tiff.
okay, here it goes…. I LOVED this post!
Couldn’t have said it better myself. I make an effort to comment as much as possible because I like getting them myself.
That said – if I notice someone has stopped or cut back on commenting on my blog – it affects how much I comment on theirs.
I am petty like that.
And anonymous comments suck (there, I said it) at least freaking own your crappy opinion.
A breathe of fresh air. I love comments, I really do, but don’t get too many. I think 4 is my record. I’m often a little jelous of all that you get…that confession is part of my repentance process. But, I know that there are people out there who read it, and I have fun with it, and I guess that’s enough. So yes, I agree
.
oh, my tiffany–you. COMPLETE. ME.
you know where i’m at because you’ve been there, done that.
i wuv you. AND validate you.
Great advice! I totally agree with you, I used to think that comments were the schiznat but after taking a bit of a bloggers break, I’m coming to realize I’m blogging because I love it, not because I need recognition. Although, it sure is nice sometimes (:
Good example with the students who don’t raise their hands in school. That rings true.