*The other day at dinner, Christian complained, “Man! Ketchup bottles are such a pain! You squeeze them just a little bit and the ketchup shoots out so fast.” Ryan and I looked at each other in awe as we both relived a thousand fist-pounding-against-sticky-glass-bottle scenes in our heads. Ketchup coming out too fast? As an American, I’m taking this as a good sign. If we can come this far with ketchup bottles, just think what we can do with the economy!
*Speaking of ketchup, I eat a lot of bean burritos.
*Bean burritos are recommended by the American Heart Association, the American Cancer Society, the National Junior League, and four out of five dentists.
*My electric hand-mixer, a present from our wedding, finally bit the dust last week. One of the rusted beaters broke and the motor groaned in agony during each use.
*Until right this second, I hadn’t thought about all the rust that we’ve probably eaten over the last twelve years.
*I know that I said the secret to my cookies was Butter Flavored Crisco, but it’s probably actually rust instead.
*Rust is recommended by the National Labor Union, the National Public Library Guild, and the American Honkey Tonk Bar Association.
*There is one word that can trigger my gag reflex instantaneously and that word is TAXES.
*Before I started taking toenail fungus medication, I never stopped to think about what it would mean to my identity to not have a toenail fungus. I’m currently looking for a support group.
*The other day Ryan and I were craving Taco Bell. I bet it’s been at least a year since Taco Bell has touched our lips. We all loaded in the car and drove over to the local KFC/Taco Bell (whose business plan was that, anyway?) and walked up to the counter. Before we said a word, the cashier said, “We only have KFC today. Our Taco Bell stuff isn’t working.” We walked out with heads hanging, got into the car and drove over to McDonald’s instead. Unfortunately, when we reached the McDonald’s it had been knocked down. Talk about bad luck.
*The next day, still craving Taco Bell, we decided to head back for a second try. I looked up the number for the local KFC/Taco Bell and called them. They said, “Thank you for calling KFC/Taco Bell.” I said, “Are you serving Taco Bell today?” They said, “Yes, we are serving Taco Bell today.” Nachos and tacos were had and there was much rejoicing.
*Two days later, we ate there again. Again, there was much rejoicing.
*Taco Bell is recommended by the National Food and Drug Administration, the American Lung Association, and Dr. Scholls.
*Happy St. Patrick’s Day! May you find many rainbows and much luck!
