TO: President of the United States of America
FROM: Secretary of the U.S. Department of Homeland Security
RE: Borders 100% Secured!!!
Mr. President, I’m happy to report that our borders are now 100% secure. Ever since we got the great idea to put the people from Costco who check the membership cards on duty at the borders, we have had absolutely no illegal immigration into the United States. As an added bonus, they are also checking all exports with a bright pink highlighter.
Our only regret is that we didn’t think of it sooner.