Sometimes I feel so bad for the family who lives with the dark-haired, bearded Oxy Clean guy. I mean, can you imagine life on a daily basis living with a man who cheerfully speaks at full volume and in ALL CAPS all the time?
Every morning:
“GOOD MORNING, HONEY! RISE AND SHINE! WHY ARE YOU HOLDING THE PILLOW OVER YOUR HEAD? WAS I TALKING IN MY SLEEP AGAIN? OH NO!”
At Breakfast:
“THESE EGGS ARE AMAZING! I’VE NEVER HAD EGGS LIKE THIS! LOOK AT HOW QUICKLY I CAN EAT THESE EGGS! I’VE LICKED MY PLATE CLEAN IN LESS THAN TEN SECONDS AND BECAUSE I BRUSH MY TEETH WITH KABOOM AND OXY CLEAN, I CAN PUT THE PLATE RIGHT BACK INTO THE CUPBOARD!”
To the kids:
“HAVE A GREAT DAY AT SCHOOL, SUZY, AND DON’T FORGET TO CLEAN YOURSELF THOROUGHLY AFTER GYM CLASS! YOUR SWEAT STAINS LAST WEEK TOOK TWO TEASPOONS OF OXY CLEAN TO GET THEM OUT! AND YOU, JUNIOR, DID YOU NOTICE HOW SPARKLING CLEAN YOUR UNDERWEAR WAS THIS MORNING? NO MORE SKID MARKS, THANKS TO YOUR DEAR OLD DAD AND THE POWER OF OXY CLEAN!”
To the dog:
“ROVER! WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS HIDING UNDER THE COUCH WITH YOUR PAWS OVER YOUR EARS? COME OUT HERE AND SHAKE HANDS!”
To his wife:
“I DON’T UNDERSTAND, HONEY! YOU’RE LEAVING ME? I THOUGHT IT WAS MY EXUBERANCE, CLEAR COMMUNICATION, AND STAIN-FIGHTING ABILITIES THAT DREW YOU TO ME!”
