Call it narcissistic if you will, but I often imagine my life as a sitcom. I mean, it’s hard not to—I’ve got adorable kids who say funny things and my goofy neighbors puke on my lawn and have chickens, for crying out loud! The only thing missing is the laugh track.
So, in the spirit of all the shows wrapping up for the summer, here is the riveting, highly-dramatic trailer for my Season 11 finale:
Movie Man Voice Over: It’s finally here. The sign is in the yard; the boxes are being packed. We never really believed it would come to this.
Mom: So, I don’t understand—you’re moving away?
Tiffany: Um. Yes. We sort of already talked about this. Yesterday. And the day before that. And the day before that. And sort of for the last eight years before that.
Movie Man Voice Over: We’ve laughed.
(HEY, wait a minute! That wasn’t funny!)
Movie Man Voice Over: We’ve cried.
Ryan Voice Over: I just want be the manager at Blockbuster and decide whether or not we should switch the Family Movies aisle with the Action Movies aisle.
Movie Man Voice Over: After eleven billion years of graduate school, the future is finally decided. But before they go…
Movie Man: Will the house sell?
Movie Man: Will promises be kept?
Movie Man: Will new friends be found?
Movie Man: Will the dog be allowed to remain alive?
Movie Man: Will they be able to cope without a Target nearby?
Movie Man: Will the Home Office Manager finally call it quits?
Tiffany Voice Over: It’s like a little weight is lifted with every engulfing flame…
Movie Man: There’s only one way to find out.
Movie Man: You’ll have to watch and see.