Max: Apologizes with amazing sincerity.
Christian: Earns money to buy college football fight songs on iTunes.
Ryan: Gropes me like he always wanted to as a teenager.
Mom: Knows stuff about antioxidants.
Dad: Gets excited about tools.
Alison: Wants to weigh the same as Catherine Zeta-Jones.
Lucy: Thinks I’m the best cook in the world.
Liz: Calls pounds “lubs.”
Alyssa: Jaywalks like it’s an Olympic sport.
Emily: Doesn’t like to hug.
Jesse: Says funny things under his breath.
Natalie: Painted her kitchen red.
James: Saved his money to ride a camel.
DeDe: Let Lucy pee on her foot.
DeAnn: Admires her own fingernails.
John: Rides the bus.
Janet: Has delicate ankles.
Shannon: Would become a Billy Collins groupie with me if I asked.
Katie: Offered to give up celebrity gossip shows in exchange for a miracle.
Kate: Has chickens…on purpose…and likes them.
Josh: Would tattoo “BYU” across his forehead if permitted.
Val: Talks like a muppet.
Heidi: Always has good candy in her purse.
Other Heidi: Used her dazzling good looks to get my driveway shoveled.
Leslie: Is afraid to order pizza.
Annie: Brought her own treats to WBWG.
Rhonda: Brought a 30-year-old can of peaches to my house for Show & Tell.
Jim: Calls himself “The Voice of Reason.”
Maurine: Knows all the good gossip.
April: Didn’t kill me when I stole her socks.
Mrs. Smith: Wants new cars every few years.
Mr. Smith: Said he was a “clubber” when we were all in Boston.
Louise Plummer: Made a comment on my blog!
Angie: Hates morning people.
Kathy: Keeps crazy, messed-up friends to feel more sane.
My writing buddies: Make mind-blowing potluck.
My readers: Have never discriminated against me for having a toenail fungus.
Don’t forget—this list is incomplete. If you’re not on here, it’s not because I don’t love you. It’s because you haven’t sent me any cash or lavish gifts recently like the other people on the list!
Louise Plummer made a comment on your blog?? Where? And I’m so jealous!
Is toenail fungus cream a lavish gift?
I loved the list, it is fun to think of all the quirky stuff of all the people in our lives.
Last night on the bus:
Teenage girl in ripped up jeans and a lip ring and jet-black dyed hair engaged in not-so-subtle “suggestive” flirting with punk teenage boy wearing a spiked dog collar and a pony-hawk. Seriously. Made me want to vomit.
Thank heavens for my iPod. (And thanks for letting me be on your list. Also, I completely agree about Janet’s ankles.)
hmmm, and I thought I slowed my jay walking speed down for out of town visitors . . . thanks for noticing my hidden talent.
p.s. your blog sucks
You’ve managed to capture the essence of each person in one simple sentence: brilliant!
I must be the last person to know, but who is Louise Plummer?
am i the un-hugging emily you speak of. i really don’t enjoy hugging.
Soul-Fusion: Thanks for the token hate mail! I feel so celebrity now!
Jennifer: Louise Plummer is a young adult author and a former professor of mine. And I adore her.
Emily: Yes, it’s you, you silly non-huggable girl. (Though my love goes out to all you Emilys out there–huggers and non-huggers alike!)
i realize i’m not the natalie on the list, but since i also painted my kitchen red, i’m going to go ahead and feel the love anyway.
I didn’t think the hate mail was funny. But that’s a mother’s instinct. Glad to know it was an inside joke. I wonder if there is an antioxidant cream for toenail fungus.
If only my dazzling good looks could get my car scraped in the morning…I’ll have to look into this!
Well, had I known you had toenail fungus, I would never have stopped by
Good thing I sent you that really lavish gift. I’m honored and totally happy when there’s good celebrity gossip.
You’re right, I still don’t order pizza over the phone. Maybe someday I’ll be able to get to that in my therapy sessions.
You’re right. I still don’t order pizza over the phone. Maybe someday I can get to that in my therapy sessions.
I need to gain a few pounds, but I’m getting there.
Ahh, I love you too! Even though you don’t like chickens.
This was a super fun idea that just maybe I’ll steal, if you don’t mind.
just thought I’d pop in and say hello. Looks like we’ll me meeting for real this Monday – I am looking forward to it. In the meantime, I’ll be studying your blog to get to know you a bit better before hand. Looks like I’m in for a treat, as it is a good one.
See ya Soon.
Ok, I have to clear something up…I didn’t LET Lucy pee on me…she just did. After three more times of dogs peeing on me in the last year, I’m starting to think dogs don’t like me