Let me start out by thanking all of you for your patience and dedication over the past months. Your cheerful attitudes and moral support have not gone unnoticed by management. As a token of our appreciation, tomorrow we will have Pajama Day at the office. However, I need to remind you to keep your dress modest and appropriate for the work place.
Of course, the main focus of this meeting is to discuss our company relocation effort. As you know, the plan for sometime has been to move our headquarters to another area. Management has been visiting various locations, and while no decisions have been made, we feel that we have some exciting prospects. We have been mindful of your feedback throughout these visits and will ensure that wherever we finally break ground, there will be a Target in the area and at least three suppliers of Gogurt within a 15-mile radius.
I’d like to specifically thank you for your cooperation with our interim managers, Heidi and Chelsea, while I was away with the management team. I know that some of you were hoping to be named interim manager, but after reviewing your applications for the position, I felt that it was necessary to go with someone who had more experience. And a drivers license. I hope you understand.
In conjunction with our Human Resources department, we will be contacting some industrial psychologists to address and anticipate some of the concerns that might arise with a major relocation like this. Though everyone has been maintaining our regular office status quo, I have noticed some tell-tale signs of distress among our team. I know that you each have your own concerns about what this relocation will mean to you personally, and I encourage you to talk about it with each other and any one of the management team. Our doors are always open. Harboring your feelings can result in raised levels of anxiety and a decrease in productivity. Without naming names, I have noticed that one of our newer team members has struggled with some of the recent upheaval and has chosen to express his or her frustration by pooping on the rug in the lobby. I think we can all agree that there are better ways to get your point across. Help us help you.
There have also been some rumors floating that the company will not be paying to relocate all of you. I’ll be perfectly honest that I have had my questions about whether or not some of you are ready to continue with this company. Some of you, and I’m not naming names, have yet to reach Level Three security clearance, which is a goal that should have been reached weeks ago. I am trying to be patient and understanding, and as of this moment my plan is to go forward with our entire team, but those of you who are on probation and in the proverbial “dog house” should concentrate on reaching a level of performance that we all know you are capable of.
One last item before we go, I’d like to remind everyone about the company Christmas party. Once again, spouses and significant others are invited to attend. There will be sign-up sheets in the break room for pot luck dishes. In addition to the entree, management will also provide the egg nog this year to ensure that it is not spiked.
Again, thank you for all of your hard work. As your manager, I believe in each of you and I thank you for believing in your management team. Merry Christmas!