Don’t ask how many trees had to die so that Ryan could send out these job applications.
As with e.v.e.r.y. s.i.n.g.l.e. part of his graduate education, the preparation of the job application is yet another monumental task. Last night, we worked together to address, prepare cover letters, collate, staple, and stuff thirty-four envelopes. The mood was tense. We started this task after dinner, so it was late and we both had a zillion other things that needed to get done. At one point Ryan asked me to hook the printer up to the laptop before I left to make more copies for him. He tried to say that he didn’t know how to hook it up. Honestly, I just stared at him as if his next request was going to be assistance with blinking. Then I realized that on Life’s Frazzle Meter, he was half-past totally screwed. I rolled my eyes and hooked up the two very complicated cables to the printer. One of them was the power cord.
The tension relieved a little when I was looking over his shoulder at one of the cover letters and read that he would be honored to receive a position in the Department of Human Psychology. I asked him if that was opposed to Canine Psychology or perhaps Cupcake Psychology. He laughed at the mistake and for the rest of the evening we stopped thinking of ways to accidentally strangle each other. See what a little humor can do?
This is how he looked when we were finally done.
And here he is holding his top two picks. I sprayed them with perfume before he mailed them today. (Isn’t he adorable when he’s on the verge of a complete neurological meltdown?)
This morning I remembered how over the years Ryan and I have laughed ourselves silly on the subject of job applications. (What, you don’t do that?) We’ve always thought it would be funny to fill out applications with totally bizarre and inappropriate information. Here are a few examples:
Have you ever been convicted of a felony? No, I have only been convicted of a murder.
How did you hear about this position? I saw it on a flyer at my anger management meeting.
Reason for leaving last job: I bludgeoned my supervisor.
List three of your strengths: I can tell the difference between aliens and humans; I can pick almost any lock, and I am totally on to the government and their plans to destroy us. I CAN OFFER YOU PROTECTION!
List three of your weaknesses: I have a problem managing my rage; I suffer from paranoia, and I cannot be trusted with money or assets.
Honestly, this little game can go on for hours. Wanna play? Tell me something horrible to put on a job application.
