Dear Sprint,
Thank you for the thoughtful card you sent in the mail today. It was so timely and appreciated. I’ll be honest, there have been many moments during our four-year relationship when I have felt under-appreciated. When the bliss of the introductory offer wore off and my flip phone antennae broke, I had to wonder—where were you? Did you even care?
It seems the only communication we have anymore is a monthly e-mail telling me that you need another $150 bucks. You don’t ask about the kids or my job. Our relationship has really dwindled, and I’ll admit that I have talked once or twice to other competitors at those kiosks in the mall. They notice me when I walk by. They call out to me. I’ve never strayed from our contract, but it’s not because I haven’t thought about it. I’m a woman of my word. I’m also a woman who doesn’t have $400 to pay for our separation.
Before today, I had written our relationship off. I was planning simply to ride it out. It’s clear that we’ve grown apart. I’m not saying anyone is to blame–these things just happen. I was young when we hooked up, but we’re in different places now. Specifically, I am often in Midvale on Center Street, driving along having a pleasant conversation, and you leave me in silence. Honestly, how many times have I brought this up with you, only to be ignored?
And just when I thought there was nothing left between us, you go and do something totally out of the blue like this:
With a tender, vaguely personal note inside? In a blue faux-hand-written font?
And you got it from Hallmark?
Stop now, Sprint, just stop.
You had me at “hello”.
