Thanks to everyone for coming. I hope you’ve had a relaxing weekend and find yourself ready for a productive work week. There are only a few items I’d like to discuss today:
* It has come to my attention that the Gogurt consumption has reached an all time high, and we are finding ourselves on the verge of a Gogurt shortage. I don’t want to garnish your wages. Please don’t make that necessary. Know your limits.
* There have been complaints recently about a lack of flushing in the upstairs bathroom. I’ve decided to come up with an incentive. If we can go one week with no unpleasant surprises in the toilet, we’ll have Hawaiian shirt day next Friday.
* As many of you are aware, Max from Human Resources has begun potty training. Let’s do what we can to support him through this important transition. Please don’t leave water running in his presence, and if you happen to witness an “accident” please keep your jokes to yourself.
* The break room has been relocated. Food, drink, and loitering are no longer allowed in Mommy’s bedroom. The new break room will be located next to the kitchen at the kitchen table. If you are caught taking your break in the old break room, you will lose your Gogurt allowance for the day. Two infractions will cost you an Otter Pop and a bike ride.
* Finally, I understand that there has been some concern raised about the chickens that are trespassing onto the property and impeding the workflow. Management has met and decided that we are within legal bounds to chase, threaten, and stir fry those who would cause harm to our flower beds. If you see a chicken, take aim. The company will stand behind you.
Thank you all for your continued hard work and support. Now let’s get out there and do what we do best!