Ryan and I are finally convinced that this “internet trend” is here to stay, so we got DSL. We held out for a long time, as we usually do. (“Who needs a cell phone? Who needs a garage? Who needs toilet paper?”) Working from home has made it somewhat necessary, especially because when I click “Send” on an email, it’s usually because I need to send it. The same day. It was getting really hard to try to write my emails two days in advance.
Life in DSL is vivid and bright and feels like being behind the wheel of one of those really expensive convertibles people buy to make themselves feel young. At least that’s what I think it feels like. Who needs one of those really expensive convertibles anyway?
So, it has me thinking about all the other technological advances of the past that make such a difference in daily living, there is no way to go back to life before. Here are the top 10 on my list:
10) Microwaves. Just think—without them, we would never know the joy of Hot Pockets.
9) Power steering. It would be impossible to talk on the cell phone, apply mascara, and make a left turn without it.
Email. Seriously, how did people get along without the ability to tell disparaging stories about men, send pictures of dressed-up dogs, and warn others about the guys who try to sell you perfume in the parking lot with the intention of kidnapping and raping you?
7) Garage door openers. Although, I bet the collective upper-body strength of the American population has gone down since then.
6) Can openers. I’m guessing there were a lot of broken teeth and bent butter knives back in the day.
5) Glasses. Okay, I know I’m going WAY back here, but I personally know several people who would be royally screwed without some help in the optical department. Namely, Ryan, my mother, Leslie, Alison, and Janet. I, myself, would have a hard time telling the difference between signs that say “Speed Limit 75 mph” and “Slow, Children at Play”.
4) Cafe Rio. What did people eat before Cafe Rio???
3) Indoor plumbing. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been to “hold it” all winter.
2) Sliced bread. People are always talking about it as being the latest, greatest invention and the more I’ve thought about it—I can’t think of anything more burdensome than having to slice your own bread.
1) Feminine care products. Nuff said.
So, what are your top ten modern inventions you simply couldn’t live without?
10. Headphones. Can you imagine how chaotic the workplace would be if everyone was playing their music on speakers?
9. Lawn mowers. I’m thinking we’d see a lot more of that outdoor carpet if old Misters Briggs and Stratton hadn’t got together.
8. Fleece. For anyone who has had to take scouts on a winter camp, you know.
7. Home Depot. Actually this one is a complete lie. I hate Home Depot. Their slogan should be “You can do it, but you’ll be danged if you can find anyone here that can help.” I do love my local mom-and-pop Ace hardware store. People there actually know how to fix things.
6. LDS.org. OK, how much easier could it get to find that one scripture that says something like “lulled into carnal security”? Or the conference address where President Hinckley referenced pharoah’s dream?
5. TiVo. Actually again a lie. I don’t have this so I guess I can live without it. However, I think I need to get it because it’s causing me to break the 10th commandment.
4. Google. Anyone disagree?
3. That swipe your card at the pump thing. This must have saved at least 40 hours of my life. Not to mention the thousands of Snickers bars I would’ve bought if I had to go inside.
2. iPod. Thousands of songs in your pocket. I hope heaven is a lot like this.
1. Leaf Blowers/Vacs. Seriously. My wife bought me one for my b-day. Good-bye rake. Hello 200-mph WIND POWER!
remote control for the T.V.
I cant believe people used to walk 6 feet round trip to change the channel every time an ad came on. I love the remote control so much that if I lose it, I will search high and low before I will make that 6 foot round trip journey to change the T.V. manually.
oops, i posted under DeDe’s name.
10. Air conditioning – although Leslie is convinced it began the decline of our cullture by isolating us inside our homes instead of visiting with our neighbors on the front porch, which porch also disappeared from most homes for probably the same reason.
9. Programable thermostats. Before we could regulate the tempurature in our home, it was indoor weather pendulum swings, which created early hot flashes with intermitent frost warnings.
8. The Food Network. Without it I would never have branched out beyond meatloaf and baked potatoes. Seriously, if I can’t think of anything to fix for dinner, it takes me from boredom to throwing on my jacket, list in hand, to shop for yet another new or varied cooking/ dining adventure.
7. Disposable diapers. If you’ve never put your hand in a toilet bowl to rinse out a cloth diaper in the middle of a Utah winter, you’re too young to appreciate what you have.
6. 300 disc CD players. Literally thousands of hours saved manually changing discs, and who knows the cost of starting your own private radio station and staffing it with people who have the same tastes in music as you have, and would be willing to work 24/7 w/o pay?
5. Rice milk. No more coughing and spewing in the morning. I hear ice cream made from rice milk is really good. Haven’t tried it yet.
4. Denim. I wore denim before it was cool to wear denim. I should have named one of our boys Levi. Thanks, Justin and Betsy for taking care of that for us.
3. Low cost LD. Families are forever [on the phone]. And it is always possible to “call someone who cares”.
2. Zip lock freezer bags. The grocery store got a lot closer. And more intimate. Frozen left-overs, large amounts broken down to meal-sized portions, and the life of rotten bananas extended until the mood strikes to make banana bread.
1. Palm pilots. This one is for Dad. He would never have survived his last calling without it. I owe a lot to that technology: his sanity, therefore our future together.
10. Toasters with Bagel slots. I don’t know how many flaming toasters I’ve tossed out into the back yard while my wife was running around the kitchen yelling, “Fire, Fire!”
9. Drive-up ATMs. Another reason not to have to get out of the car. Because with Satellite radio and built-in DVD players, we don’t want to leave the car anymore.
8. Digital Cameras. Because it’s a powerful feeling to hold up the character photo op line at Disneyland saying, “just one more Minnie, the little nipper blinked again!”
7. Quick Lube stations. (See reason #9).
6. Debit Cards. The fastest, most mindless way to drain your checking account. Besides, cash has a lot of germs, you know.
5. Infomercials. How else would I know how Christie Brinkley looks like that in just 20 minutes a day?
4. Cheerios. Nothing shuts the kids up faster in church or in the car. Bless you General Mills.
3. Pay Per View. The only way to keep tabs on the most misunderstood man in America, Mike Tyson.
2. Dryer Sheets. I love the cute little way they drop out of a pantleg as you walk to the front of a room to give a big presentation.
1. Pizza. Let’s face it. The dude who invented it was a freakin’ GENIUS!
Whoever invented dogs was a genius. I sure love dogs and can’t wait ’til i get four.
10. Air conditioning. Yes, maybe I am disconnected from my neighbors and community, but at least I can be disconnected in the comfort of my own home — or car for that matter!
9. Freezers (and frozen meals). Not only do they preserve food, but also my sanity on a regular basis.
8. Automatic transmissions. As those who know me can attest, I have enough trouble driving without having to worry about when to push the dang clutch and shift.
7. Those cool scissors that magically thin your hair without changing your style.
6. Ibuprofen, zantac, and other medications. I’m so glad I wasn’t a pioneer.
5.ProActiv – I owe my complexion and much of my renewed self-confidence to this wonderful product!
4. Luggage with good wheels and retractable handles.
3. Sunless tanning lotions. It’s nice to not look dead.
2. Mapquest. Couldn’t live without it.
1. Shout Color Catchers — no more unintentional pink underwear!