TIME IS RUNNING OUT!!!!
That’s what it read. URGENT NOTICE! URGENT NOTICE!
Pretty ominious for a subscription renewal.
This is the best part:
To: Gift Giver
From: (get this) Vice President (name withheld)
Your gift subscription to National Geographic KIDS magazine will expire with the next issue. That means….(drum roll here, no wait, JAWS music is more appropriate)…. (Warning: the following content may be too intense for sensitive readers)
a: No more photos of crocs, cheetahs, and robots…
b: No more short takes on science, history, and humanity…
c: No more stimulating games, puzzles, and collector’s cards.
Don’t disappoint your young friends [don't miss the implication here]! …I can only promise that (magnanimous offer, which by the way, is the same offer as always) if you respond immediately. Act now!
Get a grip, Mr. VP, the check was in the mail yesterday! But even though I was aware that I had not lost my standing with my grandchildren, or with the broader populace (heaven forbid they ever hear how close we came to a stunted, ill-informed, under-stimulated posterity), my heart rate increased as I contemplated the full impact of my decision. No more crocs? It’s too much to dwell on. I must put it behind me and just be grateful for a new day, which I’m pretty certain will bring it’s own share of “croc” in the morning mail.