Dear Ask a Psychologist’s Wife,
I’m currently experiencing problems with ants in my bathroom. I’m not quite sure how to reason with them and help them see it is not the best place for them to settle. Several times I’ve tried to explain that there is a horrible ant killing device that will terminate them, “Don’t MAKE me get the ant spray.” Yet, it falls on deaf ears. They’ve refused to budge making it almost impossible for a compromise. I can’t stand killing Gods creatures, (Except for spiders. The devil made them to torment us.) and I’m looking for a peaceful solution to this stand off. What suggestions do you have that could facilitate harmony in my home, and more specifically my bathroom?
Pestered in the Potty
Dear Pestered in the Potty,
Since you are unwilling to dispose of the ants (and there are so many fun ways to go about it, such as blow torches and magnifying glasses), there is clearly only one solution to your problem: You must think like an ant. You must carry around things that are 300 times your weight, such as your car or couch (if it has a hide-a-bed). You must attend picnics and eat the discarded food off of other’s plates. You must avoid rain. Until you really get inside an ant’s head and walk a mile in his shoes (which is about 4.3 inches in ant measurement), you will never be able to come to a mutual understanding. It’s all about empathy, Pestered, and until you get some, you are nothing more than a bumbling giant with great taste in shoes.