Four years ago, the Salt Lake Tribune printed this letter to the editor, written by yours truly:
“If Bob Costas is so put out to be at the Salt Lake Games, could he at least be asked to keep it to himself? I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt when he continued to make smart comments about the Opening Ceremony production. Maybe he had some bad fry sauce. Maybe the last episode of “Elimidate” really upset him because the short guy that was really into sports lost out to the tall guy with good manners. Whatever, we all have our days, but poor Bobby’s ornery streak has just perpetuated through the weekend. Can you say St. John’s Wort? Despite the spin he’s tried to put on the city, the medals ceremony, the coyotes on skates, and everything else he hates in Utah, I am in love with the Salt Lake Games. The Opening Ceremony was outstanding. The medals ceremonies are beautiful. The venues are amazing. Maybe in his down-time, Bob can hang out outside the Mormon temple and tell all of the brides getting their pictures taken that they look fat. It’s right up his alley, and makes him look just as dumb.”
This gem-like prose was printed in all of its anti-climactic glory about 4 days after the last athlete boarded his plane back home. I keep this yellowed clipping displayed at my desk as a reminder to avoid similar brilliant exercises. For several weeks after it’s printing, I ran into people who said, “Hey, I saw your letter to the editor in the paper.” Then, they couldn’t help but wonder two things: 1) Why does she hate Bob Costas so much, and 2) Why is she hiding behind that tree/coat rack/child?
This is a good example of something you should know about me–I have the ability to get on a soapbox and rant for causes and issues I may or may not care about at all. I do not have a personal vendetta against Bob Costas, nor did I have one in February 2002. In fact, Bob and I have a lot in common. We are both short and relatively good-looking.
So, as we begin this internet journey together, you should know this about me, your tour guide. Take it for what it’s worth. Now if you will excuse me, I’m drafting a letter to the editor of The New York Times about dryer lint, which I would like banned in all fifty United States as well as Puerto Rico and the District of Columbia.